It is immensely hard to update this blog when I am feeling less than stellar. I want to share my journey here, and my life as a truck driver, but there are (sometimes too many) days that are hard, or frustrating, or lonely.

On the occasion I do discuss the bad days here, I generally try to play them off like they’re no big thing, like they’re perfectly normal. To be fair, it is perfectly normal to have a higher than average number of bad days, when you spend all of your time trapped in a small box with anyone, no matter how much you like or dislike them at any given moment. However, sometimes it’s incredibly hard not to feel like my entire future is encompassed in this truck, and that I will spend the rest of my life homeless, driving across the country, just holding the truck between the lines. If you have ever worked a job you hated, some dead-end job, with no room for advancement, any kind of job that makes you feel like your life is going nowhere, you probably well understand how incredibly trapped and hopeless that can make you feel.

Yes, being a truck driver can be a huge adventure, at times. When you’re sitting, and can explore new cities, when you’re driving through a new state, and learning new routes. When you’re walking through a creepy truck stop at three in the morning, after watching a horror movie, and you’re convinced their is danger lurking around every corner.

There are good days, too. Days where we spend the whole day talking about things, reading, researching, and discovering new things that make us happy. There are days where it is simply a joy to be able to be so close together, so often. There are days where this job would be damn near perfect, if vacation time just wasn’t so costly.

Those are the days I like to write about. The fun days, the exciting days, and even the peaceful, boring, contented days. I am an incredibly private person, and I really struggle with sharing the negative aspects of my life, in anything other than a vague sidebar, with anyone outside of my very small inner circle.

However, I have decided that this is an unfair, biased, and relatively delusional way to chronicle my experience as a truck driver. No, I’ll probably never talk about the details of the many fights and misunderstandings- you neither want to know, nor particularly care, most likely. But I feel that I can no longer pretend that being a truck driver is always a fabulous adventure, either.

This is an incredibly difficult life to live. It’s lonely, it’s tiring, and sometimes it is incredibly discouraging. Being out here on the road makes you homesick, in a fierce way. Sometimes it makes me long for the hated job I left behind in New Mexico, simply because it was a constant, and I had much-needed stability in my life.

When you are stuck together with someone all the time, it is incredibly hard not to feel like every disagreement, minor or major, is the end of the world. The good moments are great, and the bad moments are really bad. It’s also an incredibly difficult way for a new relationship to thrive. If we survive being truck drivers together for two years, I genuinely believe that there isn’t anything that can break us. But sometimes discouragement sets in, and sometimes it is hard to see past that tense moment of uncomfortable silence, or hurt feelings. Sometimes the box just feels like a coffin, where the dying remnants of an imagined life are choking on their last breaths.

No, I am not this negative very often, but it needs to be said: this life is hard. On you, your relationships, your family, your friends, and everything else. It is hard, but I do believe it is worth it.

Never say that I lied to you about this life. Never say I was overly optimistic, because that is simply not in my nature. But believe me when I say, in spite of all the challenges, all the obstacles, and all of the incredibly hard days, I genuinely do believe that my choice to come out on the road was worth it. I believe that every single day, and to end this on a real, and honest (surprisingly positive) note: I welcome these challenges, and I (and we) will come out so much stronger on the other side.

Hello lovelies! It has been a crazy couple months, and I am sorry to say that my blogging has taken a seat on the back burner again. After all that big talk about updating regularly, I fell off the wagon pretty quick! So I return, the prodigal blogger.

After a couple reminders from people (which totally made me happy), and much introspection, I finally decided to sit down and write something. Initially, I tapped out a quick little blog entry, while distracted doing too many other things; and over all, it was pretty worthless. I keep this blog to actually chronicle and share my particularly story as a truck driver, not to toss out crappy, vague updates. So, here’s what I’ve actually been up to.

We’ve been pretty much hammer down, all the time, since I last posted here. Back to back, non stop loads, with very little time to do much of anything else. While the paychecks have been nice, it has been immensely stressful, and tensions were running pretty high, for a while. You have never truly experienced uncomfortable silence until you get into a fight with someone you’re stuck in a box with, twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, for half of year. Now that is uncomfortable silence. Believe me, it is not fun. I have been working on trying to handle conflict better, and work on different ways to cope with stressful situations, because I tend to lash out when I feel trapped (being a runner, when it comes to relationships, I feel trapped pretty much any time there’s conflict that I can’t take a break from). So far, that’s helping a bit, but believe me, I have a long way to go.

After weeks of running hard with no breaks, we finally got some time off. Conan had family business back in Missouri, so we spent a few days there, with the kids, and the rest of the family. It was absolutely fabulous to take a break, sleep in a real bed (believe me, hotel rooms are always worth it), and spend some time feeling like a real person again, instead of a mindless wage slave. I took some much needed girl time, going shopping for winter clothes, getting pedicures, and hanging out with the ladies of the Springfield house.

I finally feel refreshed and more centered, which is something I am incredibly grateful for.

After all that time off, it is actually almost refreshing to be back on the road, and have nothing but the simplicities of work, cleaning, food, and sleeping, to worry about again.

In spite of that statement, believe me, I am counting the days till my Christmas break. I am desperately looking forward to being back in Oregon, and spending time with friends and family there. My oldest sister, her husband, and their daughter, will be flying back to the states from England, for the holidays this year, which means this will be the first time since 2007 that all four daughters have been in the same place at once. It will be incredible, and I am so excited.

I am trying to get back in the swing of working on my various projects again, including this blog. One thing that was made very clear to me, these last couple months, is that I get incredibly unhappy if I don’t take time to make sure I am getting what I need, and taking care of myself. Work became my sole focus, and I put everything else aside, to make sure I had the energy to do my part to kee the truck rolling. While work is important, I have learned that I cannot sacrifice myself for the job, without becoming wholly and utterly miserable.

So today is the beginning of a new month, my favorite month, for that matter (have I mentioned yet, that my birthday is in nineteen days?); and I am going to endeavor to make this month miles better than the last two. Hopefully I will stay on track, and keep working toward having a peaceful life on the road- believe me, it’s a challenge!

So, signing off for now, but with a promise to return sooner, rather than later. :)

So, I complain a lot about being a truck driver. There are some very serious downsides that I struggle with every day. But today, we’re going to talk about the perks, and the things I do to help deal with those fiercesome downsides.

One of my very favorite things about being a truck driver is the food. Now, I don’t mean Subway, or crappy truck stop food, because that kind of stuff makes my stomach want to commit suicide. But, getting to travel all over the country has introduced me to a great many amazing restaurants. As I’ve mentioned before, Conan is vegan, which means we try almost every vegan restaurant we can find. There is this really incredible place in Salt Lake City, UT, called the Vertical Diner, that we love. They have amazing food, and it’s delicious even if you’re not vegan. There’s also this little hole-in-the-wall Chinese joint in Indianapolis, IN that has the most amazing red curry I’ve ever had in my life. There’s a bayside bar and grill called the Topside in Gloucester, MA that is just fabulous. The bartenders are amazing, and New England style clam chowder really is better an anything else.

Getting to see different parts of the country has been a really incredible experience. I’ve seen some beautiful places, and I’d like to start using my camera more often, to take pictures of the gorgeous places I’ve seen. There are these little rest areas along I-70 in the Rockies in Colorado that are along the river, and just gorgeous. They have this super long bike path that runs along the river, and a hiking trail that Conan and I try to get up to, just outside of Vail, CO, that is gorgeous (even if it makes me feel WAY out of shape).

Some day, when I get off the truck, I’d really love to take a road trip in my car, to visit all these places, without the ressure of time-sensitive loads, and whatnot. I think it would be a great way to reassociate traveling with positive experiences.

One of the things that I’ve learned does wonders for me is interactive games. I have three DrawSomething and Words With Friends games that I play every single day. It is a great way for me to feel like I have some semblance of a social life, and feel connected with the outside world, and it’s something I can do, even when my driving schedule has me up at odd hours of the night.

I’ve mentioned reading before, but I feel that I need to reiterate just how much of a positive impact it has had in my daily life as a driver. Reading has always been an incredibly important part of my life, and a great way to escape, but as a driver, it is something I value more than I can begin to explain. I have a kindle app on my phone that I use all the time, plus the iPad, and it is an amazing way not just to pass the time, but to keep my mind awake.

One of the things I’m learning that is incredibly helpful for keeping my spirits up on the truck is having projects. I am currently working on three different projects, right now. I’m teaching myself circular Gallifreyan (for all of you Whovians out there), working on creating personalized mixes for my close friends (a project I meant to do last Christmas, but didn’t have the time for); and two half-projects. I’m researching Fox Blocks (Insulated Concrete Forms) as a green alternative for home building; trying to find a blueprint design software I can use. And I also just recently came up with the idea to write and illustrate a personalized children’s book for my beautiful baby niece, Eva.

Projects give me an outlet for my creative urges, along with something to throw myself into when the stress is just too overwhelming.

Working on finding ways to help keep myself happy and sane, is a project in itself, and the most challenging, long-term project I have right now, but it is so much better than wallowing in the negative and feeling helpless about my feelings. So, I’m going to keep moving forward in the direction of a happier, more positive Grace. Wish me luck!

Due to popular demand (shocking, I know), I have chosen to start blogging here again!

Since I never really posted an intro entry, we’re going to start with that:

Who I am: If you’re here, chances are, you probably know me, but if by some serendipitous whimsy, the universe brought you here, I’m Grace. 23 years old, friend, sister, girlfriend, writer, artist, singer, and (what feels, some days, to be the all-encompassing definition of who I am) truck driver.

This blog: is a chronicle of my truck driving experience, good days and bad, and my attempts to psychologically and physically survive what is proving to be an incredibly challenging employment choice.

Why I chose to be a driver: It’s been almost a year of one of the most complicated, stressful, insane, and incredibly fulfilling relationships of my life. To sum it up, I became a truck driver so I could spend more time with Conan: love-of-my-life, and co-driver. Having been in more than my fair share of long-distance relationships, I really wanted for us to be able to spend more time together. So, February 14th, 2012; I started my first day of CDL (commercial drivers license) school.

The Pros:
I get to spend almost all of my time with the person I love most.
I get to travel the country.
I get to see cool places (statue of liberty, a few months ago!)
I make twice as much money as I ever have before.

The cons:
I live in a semi, full-time. This means I don’t have my own bathroom, shower, kitchen, closet, or pretty much anything else.
In spite of having almost matched my 2011 income, in six months, I have no money in savings. Food, hotel rooms, and retail therapy is immensely expensive.
I really miss my cat, my friends, and my family. We really don’t get a lot of home time, and when we do, it generally costs Conan a couple thousand dollars (yes, said thousand) in truck payments, etc.
I desperately miss having a home of my own.
Ironically, in spite of the fact that I took this job to spend more time with Conan, I REALLY miss me-time.

I think that about covers the basics. I am in desperate need of communication with the outside world, so please feel free to shoot any questions to my ask box!

Real posts will follow with more regularity, I promise!

Conan and I have decided to start getting healthy. Being a truck driver means that eating healthy is hard, and staying fit is hard. In the four months I have been on the truck, I have gained eight pounds, and I am incredibly unhappy with not only my body, but with my level of physical fitness.

So… It’s time for a change. We’re changing our diet, and I’m finally (in the spirit of getting healthy) going to start my journey to quit smoking.. For the last time.

We are both ready to be healthy and in shape again, and now it is time to start.

I will update more, as we progress on this journey, and hopefully, as time passes, getting healthy will not only help my body, but my entire attitude.

Wish me luck!

Well, I haven’t updated this in quite some time. Life has been crazy busy. Between passing my CDL test, and running so many loads, I have barely had time to breath, much less update my blog.

So, as I’ve stated before, truck driving can be incredibly stressful, at times. I’ve found that making a point to take time to do things you enjoy, is INCREDIBLY helpful. Even if you don’t really have a lot of free time (we don’t), it’s so worth it to make an effort to make yourself happy.

One of the things Conan and I do, is read. I read to him, while he drives, when we’re up together. Since I got on the truck, we’ve read eight books. First we read Cinder by Marissa Meyer, and amazing new author, who retells Cinderella, sci-fi style. Next, we read The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins, which every one knows about, these days. Following that, we spent a month and a half reading The Inheritance Cycle by Christopher Paolini, which BLEW MY MIND. I tried reading Eragon four times before this, and could never force myself to get through the first (unfortunately, very tedious) half of the book. After having finally done so, I will preach to the world, for the rest of my days about how mind blowing this series is. It made me laugh, and cry (a lot), and I got so involved in the series, that I can’t bring myself to read anything else yet, because I’m still seriously missing the series.

Another thing we’ve done is movies.. I’ve watched so many shows and movies since getting on the truck. It’s another great way to escape and just let your mind go, and not concentrate on the fact that you live in an 80,000lb death trap, barreling across the country, twenty-four-seven. How I Met Your Mother is a particular favorite of mine.

One of the biggest, most important things I’ve discovered that I can do to keep myself happy is showering. If you know anything about truck driving, you know that we don’t necessarily get to shower every day, which has proven to be a huge challenge for me to get over. This last week was particularly awful for me. I was hormonal as hell, hadn’t showered in a solid few days (more than I’d care to share) due to some back-to-back loads with no stopping time. My mood quickly went from tolerant, to unpleasant, in mere days, and it stayed there for a long while. I’ve cried, yelled, and bitched, more in the last week than I have in a very long time. Conan has been so incredibly patient, especially if you consider some of the nasty things I’ve said, in my fits of insanity.

So last night, we delivered our load in California, dealt with nothing but bullshit from the receivers, and by the time we finally got out of there, I wanted nothing more than a large quantity of alcohol, and to go to sleep. Unfortunately, another part of truck driving, is the significant lack of stress-relieving substances, which is part of why I haven’t quick smoking yet. So, no drink, but instead, we stopped and got a shower.

Lo and behold, I went from a relatively unpleasant person to be around (once again, I thank God for Conan’s limitless patience for me), to the happy, semi-sane woman most of you have come to know and love. Something as simple as a shower, did so much for my mood, I can’t even begin to explain how thankful I am for hot water, soap, shampoo, and a razor. I feel like a real, halfway-reasonable person again.

So here’s the thing: becoming a truck driver has made me appreciate so many of the little things I took for granted, before. Having your own bathroom, taking showers, washing your face every night before bed, brushing your teeth, having a kitchen (even if it comes with dirty dishes), and so many other little things that most of us don’t even realize how lucky we are to have.

One day, when we finally settle down and have a place of our own, that’s not on eighteen wheels, I don’t think I will ever be able to look at my kitchen/bathroom with anything other than divine reverence and thankfulness.

Showering did more for my attitude than probably anything else could, and that’s not a lesson I’m likely to forget anytime soon: cleanliness is good for the soul.

I made breakfast on the truck today!! Conan and I bought an electric wok, while we were back at the terminal, and today was the first time we used it!

I took red and golden potatoes, and sautéed them up with red peppers, onions, (vegan) ham and salami. Toss a dollop of (vegan) sour cream on top and it’s absolutely amazing. I am so proud of myself!

Cooking on the truck was actually really fun. Conan drove, while I fired up the wok in the back. I am incredibly proud of myself. Eating vegan has also presented an interesting challenge on the truck. I have spent my entire life being a happy omnivore, and as such, adjusting to Conan’s vegan lifestyle has been interesting. Not that I have to, by any means, but I will say that it is simply easier for both of us to be vegan, than it is for just him, especially when we’re cooking together. I am still occasionally eating cheese, and still love to have whipped cream on my lattes, but other than that, the transition has been incredibly easy. Especially with the various meat and cheese substitutes out there. A few of the ones I’ve tried, you can’t really tell the difference unless you’re looking for it.

In other news, we’re in Florida right now. This is the first time I’ve ever been here, and it is absolutely gorgeous. It’s green and wet everywhere. On the other hand, it feels like it’s a million degrees, and the humidity is crazy. I feel like I’m in a jungle. I wish we had more time on this load, because I would love to stop and take pictures.

My lovely roommate back in New Mexico always wanted to move here. I can say now, with absolute certainty, that I would never want to live here… I can handle heat, or humidity, but not both, the weather alone would kill me. However, the state itself is absolutely beautiful. So.. Pros and cons, I guess.

We locked ourselves out of the truck at a TA earlier today, so now poor Lola is missing a wing window. Brand new, and already abused. On the plus side, being in Florida means that it’s not cold at all, so I don’t really mind the window being busted. Which is good, considering it’s on the passenger side, where I’ve been spending a decent chunk of time, lately.

All in all, things are mostly going well. I’m still having my moments, where I really miss having a “normal” life, but as a whole, I am pleased with my universe. One step at a time.

So this is my attempt to make an easy-to-access chronicle of my time on the road as a truck driver (student, at the moment). I was planning on trying to write some sort of weekly newsletter, but as anyone who knows me will tell you, I am HORRIBLE with email. This is my (hopefully successful) attempt to write down my thoughts and experiences, share photos, and various opinions, that I gather during my two-year stint driving around the country.

I’ve already learned new things and seen new places- did you know they don’t allows semis inside of Washington, D.C.? You can only drive on the belt line around the city, unless you’re making a delivery inside. There are so many more rules to trucking than there are in normal daily life.. You can’t have anything that lists drowsiness as a possible side effect on the truck; you can’t have mouthwash with alcohol on the truck; you can’t have knives longer than 4 inches, etc, etc, etc.

Some places, trucks aren’t allowed to go, simply because they’re not attractive. Not because it’s dangerous, or they can’t maneuver properly, but just because semis aren’t pretty. Our truck, who I’ve named Lola, by the way, is gorgeous. I’ll post a picture of her later.

Some opinions I’ve already developed about life in the road:

The Good:
-I’m getting paid to travel the country with someone I love dearly. How awesome is that?
-I’ve already seen more of the country since my first time on the truck, than I had in my whole life before (On that note… I saw the Washington Monument today!!)
-The hardest part about this job really is staying awake, and staying in-between the lines.

The Bad:
-I HATE not having my own bathroom. I hate that I can’t pee whenever I need to (which is often, because my bladder is the size of a gnat), without having to do things I never dreamed I would have to do.
-I made it a whole week before disaster struck, and I had to pee In a bottle. I feel like I should have my girl card revoked. Yuck!
-I hate that I can’t shower whenever I want (which is daily).
-I kind of miss having my own space. Don’t get me wrong, I love Conan, and being able to be together makes me incredibly happy. If I had to be stuck In a metal box with anyone, it would be him, but.. Sometimes I really miss having my own room.

There are plenty of other good and bad things that have stood out to me so far, but these are the big ones.

Also.. Truck driving is actually incredibly tiring. In the beginning, that is. I’m sure it gets better, the more you get used to it, but oh dear God, I swear if I’m driving at night, I can’t keep my eyes focused for more than an hour!

On the note of driving itself, I am actually doing rather well. It is not nearly as scary as I thought it would be, and apparently I am incredibly smooth with shifting (when I’m not beating myself up or over-thinking). Down-shifting is still eluding me, and Conan needs to walk me through it on the occasion I have to do it- there isn’t much cause for down-shifting at highway speeds, unless we’re going up a very steep upgrade.

My biggest problem so far, is stamina. Driving a truck is tiring, until you get used to it. Especially when you’re like me, and you tend to be hyper aware of everything going on around you, or if you (also like me) have a Murphey’s Law mentality: anything that can go wrong will go wrong. It makes for a lot of (in the end, really unnecessary) stress. And therefor, it gets tiring incredibly fast.

In the end, driving an 80,000lb tractor-trailor rig is neither as bad, nor as scary, as one might think it is. Now, if I could just convince my brain that, then we’d all be just fine.

All in all, not a bad first week on the job.